Tuesday Two-Step: Week 5

The Tuesday Two-Step returns for a second installment to ponder the major stories of Week 5.

Steps Around the NFL

• In Week 5, the Bronco’s “Hotdog Roller Derby” throwbacks beat out “We Suck at Double Dare” slime green Seahawks alternates for ugliest uniform of 2009.




Barf-tastic!



• And the players in the uniforms? Kyle Orton has a low ceiling, Denver's defense was just plain terrible last season, Shanahan was an irreplacable offensive genius, and I personally have to own up to the fact that this offseason I saw the Donkeys as being headed for the Raider-logo-emblazoned black hole that is the bottom of the AFC west. You can't explain it all away by pointing out that some little guy named Elvis has been running circles around the league's left tackles.



• I wonder if the Cowboys will need overtime to beat the bye this week.



• 2 of 17, Derek Anderson? How?! That sounds more plausible as your birth order in a ridiculously large orthodox farming family than as a completion ratio in a football game.



• McNabb-to-Maclin falls just shy of Manning-to-Manningham in QB-Receiver duos with similar-sounding names.



• "Cedric Benson leads league in rushing” sounds like an Onion headline. It’s not.

Benson's league-leading performance through five weeks is perhaps more surprising than his team's division-leading performance.

• On Cedric Benson: Among the biggest draft busts in history. The back that by his insolence, injuries, and ineptitude failed to show any reason why he should be considered starting material in Chicago and ran off the heroic, fiery Thomas Jones in the process. The back taken with the 4th pick when Frank Gore went #65. The back who is now leading the league in rushing, and doing it for the Cincinnatti Bengals.


• Matt and Tim Hasslebeck are to QB brother baldness what Eli and Peyton Manning are to QB brother play on the field.



• Braylon Edwards is still winless in 2009.



• It’s looking like a seamless transition at the Chad for the Dolphins.
  

QB Chad Henne has looked impressive taking over for injured Chad Pennington.

• Rush Limbaugh wants to buy the Rams. As if that team didn’t suck enough already…


• Minnesota has beaten Cleveland, Detroit, San Francisco, Green Bay, and St. Louis, to become 5-0. Sure, there's something to be said for just showing up and executing. While certainly there's no shame in close wins over the Niners and the Pack, there is some shame in the fact that ESPN has the Vikes ranked 3 when, according to their own rankings, they haven't beaten anyone ranked better than 14 (14, 15, 26, 28, 32). The Broncos are ranked 5 after having beaten Cincinnatti (6) and New England (10) on top of a bunch of nobodies.

Giants' Steps

Not much to be witty about in a week in which the Giants were pretty much perfect. That said:

• Way to go Sinorice Moss.



• For the second time this season a Giant Safety’s touchdown did not count.



• Jamarcus Russell is big and bad in the most unflattering, literal way possible.



• I think the Giants have more guys named Johnson on their roster than the Raiders had first downs Sunday.



• After going 3 for 3, I guess Tynes found the right shoe in that bag of his…

The Top 10

(The Top 10 is determined by finding the average of Will's and Jake's votes. Each team's record and their ranking from the previous week are noted in parenthesis next to the team name.)

1. Giants (5-0) (3) When you are one bounce away from winning a game 44 or 51-0, no matter who you play, that deserves a move up the ladder. Big Blue has the talent, depth and experience to hold down the number one spot…

2. Indianapolis (5-0) (1) The class of the AFC through 5 games. They fall to number 2 by default, but it’s hard to separate the top spots.

3. New Orleans (4-0) (2) The bye week set them back in the win column. “1C” wouldn’t make for very good power rankings.

4. Broncos (5-0) (N/A) Two impressive wins in a row, this team is surprisingly for real.

5. Vikings (5-0) (4) Play-makers in all phases of the game and some wins against tough teams.

6. Cincy (4-1) (N/A) Wow…go figure.

7. Philly (3-1) (8) Donovan McNabb makes an impressive return as Philly lights up the Bucs.

8. Baltimore (3-2) (6) Some costly and uncharacteristic penalties cost them a close one against the Bengals.

9. Atlanta (3-1) (N/A) A la McNabb, the Falcons are back with a vengeance, following a whoopin’ of the Niners. The Dirty Birds make their debut on the Giants’ Steps Top 10.

10. Jets (3-2) (10) Two losses to two very good teams has Gang Green reeling, but they will recover.

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